I don’t have a temper. I’m not a yeller, screamer, thrower or even mean and/or insulting when upset. It’s been a long time since I’ve lost it. Perhaps somewhere in my 20’s when I was hormonal or had too much to drink and was irrational ? But over the last 25 years or more, (boy, that begins to date me) I may cry, maybe I hit a pillow once or twice, took a brisk walk, had a bit more activity, but never none of the above.
Well, that all changed on Sunday. STRESS ! We all have it and deal with it differently. I had 2 moves within 2 weeks, moving out and moving in, trying to work, clear my house, sell off some items taking up space that could also earn me money, deal with bills, money and now lack of light. It is fading quickly. Especially in the northeastern part of the U.S. where I live.
The scenario was a domino affect. I couldn’t find an important business folder after moving in. I had my eyes on it all summer and looked everywhere. I needed this folder that contained important paperwork to take care of a pressing business issue.
I went into my bedroom, sat down to look through a small carry on bag I had stuffed with some writing books, journals, and folders. My bird jumped off my shoulder, tore into the closet after my fancy sandals with the rhinestones and when I looked, he had already bit off two. He’s a big chewer. I swept him up, grabbed the shoe & little stones, then on the floor and closed the closet door.
I went to get up fast, slipped on the plastic I had carefully wrapped around the bottom of the antique I was planning to sell and hence, it fell on my foot, broke my big toe and the piece broke in 2 places. This was my big-ticket item. This was my mortgage for the month.
I was frustrated. I was overwhelmed. I felt pressured. I was light deprived. I put the bird in his time out box (he spites me, because I think he likes it) and put him in the back room, out of my reach and earshot. I felt the meltdown coming and didn’t want him around to hear, get in the way or witness any of this behavior. I went back to the bedroom, picked up the shattered piece, opened the closet and took my shoe and threw it in as hard as I could. Then I began to cry. Ahhh, the melt down.
A friend called a few minutes into it and I vented. Another friend called and I cried and vented.. They both said,” This will pass. It’s only material. You didn’t even know what it was worth.” They’re right, I didn’t and I’m glad I didn’t, because I have a feeling it would have been worth a lot. But it’s at these times, we need friends and people in our lives, to put things into perspective. One friend laughed at me. You threw one shoe ? Into the closet and that was losing your temper ? “Yes,” I said. This was coming from someone who isn’t afraid to scream. I guess taking her to Primal Therapy 30 years ago helped open her up. Or encouraged her.
So the following day was a new day. I prayed before I went to sleep it would be. And the day after that, another new day. And now it is today and I am accomplishing my tasks, little by little. Maybe a melt down every 25 or 30 years isn’t so bad. Maybe it was the physical aspect. Maybe the good cry. Maybe just surrendering. The crazy thing ? Once I calmed down and took a break, I remembered one more place where that folder could be. And there it was. I got the work done that night as I had planned.
Life is a day at a time, sometimes an hour or even a minute at a time. The truth is.. I learned that at any moment, you can start over. Any second. Someone just needs to remind me of that, when I’m in the middle of crisis mode. So tell me, How do you deal ?
There’s something to be said for “just getting it all out.” You sound like an overall calm person.