A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend I’ve known for over 20 years. We met in a Course of Miracles class. She was from another New England state, a bit further north. She’s about 5 years older than me, very bright, well read and divorced. Her mind is quick and when I first met her, she was picking through every new spiritual book, trend or philosophy she could get her hands on. Quite often, I was the recipient of these new ideas or modalities. There was a lot to explore then.
She has always been a very matter of fact person. She was never one to sugar coat words like I did and still often do. She would tell it like it was, whether it was to her husband, her children or me.
Being single women, without husbands or a secondary means, we have talked about security (as if it really exists) and what we would have to live on in our older years. Most people probably worry about this issue at some point as they get older. I have made a lot of decisions around money. Some were good investments, but not always the best ones for me at the time. So at this juncture of my life, being left with one income to support myself and in a profession that’s commission driven, I never know where and when the next dollar or thousand will show up.
She lives in the same house her husband built when they first got married. Her kids are both far away in different states . Her house is paid off. And she has banked half the investments from her divorce. Several hundred thousand. I own more than one property that still all have mortgages. There is equity in all of them, but I still have payments every month. I told her I wanted to pay off all my bills and not worry about money anymore. Her advice to me was to do whatever I could to get rid of debt and stop thinking about money. She said, “Ever since I’ve known you, you have always been looking for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Forget about the pot of gold. ”
I have moved around. When I got married, my husband and I bought a beautiful house on Martha’s Vineyard. Yes, we bought a vacation home first. Actually, I had my first condo at the time which he convinced me to sell because it was too small for us. And I quote, “It’s also too feminine. ” What was wrong with Mauve, turquoise and white for a color theme ? We could have always changed the furniture. Anyway, things progressed from there. When it came time for the divorce, we had to split things up. I either had to buy him out or him me. I think he just wanted to leave the state and escape, which he eventually did.
I lived very well for a long time because I was making a lot of money for a long time. The problem with making really good money in a profession that is commission based, is it’s never a good idea to count on that income forever. When it stops, your floor becomes your ceiling and that’s kind of what happened. I’ve been able to recoup some of that loss through some of the good investments I had made.
I have stopped looking for the pot at the end of the rainbow. She’s right in one sense. In another, we’re different. I have always been a dreamer, not just in finance, but in life. I still believe my prince will come. I still believe I’ll write a great book and make good money from my writing. I still believe people are basically good. Look deep enough and long enough and surely you’ll find some redeeming qualities. Okay, maybe there are a few people who just don’t have it. But I honestly think most do. And I believe somehow the world will heal itself. Don’t ask me for details on that one. I’m not that masterful and I have to believe there’s a divine plan. I just know it’s not my job.
For me, it’s not really the pot of gold I was ever after. It was the rainbow. Because I believe in dreams and I believe that in the end, we will all get what we need. I have faith. I have to. What is life if you stop believing ? As a friend once said, “Where there is breath, there is hope. ” And one thing I do know, I have always believed in that.